Resistant Love

Some thoughts from the porch on resistance and love. With love…

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A porch parable. With love.

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Seeing our idols

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A few thoughts from the porch…with love.

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Gratitude, Generosity, Grace…with love.

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Some times the lies get to me…gotta say something.

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Sometimes the lies get to me…gotta say something.

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Forgiveness

I’ve been doing some porch talks. Thought I’d start including them here…with love.

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God’s on the subway

Recently I went to New York with Tom, Lauren, and Eloise.  We went in celebration of Eloise’s 7th birthday.  Seemed only fitting that a seven year old named Eloise should have an “Eloise” tea party at the Plaza (remember the children’s book??).  We arrived in NYC late morning and, after checking in at our hotel, we made our way over for our reservation for afternoon tea.

Walking in, I was struck by the beauty of the surroundings, the soft fresh smell of flowers, and the jubilant energy.  It appeared to me that no one was there on a quick lunch hour from work. This was a time of pure indulgence, faces relaxed, and happy conversation. People leisurely enjoying their tea (or cocktails) and tasty treats.  It might have been just a few quick steps from the world outside, but this place felt like it’s own little universe of celebration.

When the attentive server brought our order, Eloise’s face was priceless with joy as she marveled at the pink bouquet of cotton candy sitting atop her tray.  She soon exclaimed, “I loooove New York!”  She was hooked.  This was a child’s delight and yet we were all pulled into the magic.

The whole weekend flowed with fun, sights, smells, and tastes.  It was a three day fantasy breaking through a long and lingering winter. We’ve recently had plumbing problems that are turning into a larger ordeal than we imagined, and we’re not even sure what we’re yet facing. More significantly, a life long friend of Tom’s received a devastating diagnosis that has us spinning in sadness even as we struggle to hope and discern ways we can help and support him and his family through this unexpected and unwelcome life threatening health crisis.  Others close to us are struggling with various life challenges as well. And, income taxes are due! This little miracle of an oasis weekend was a gift we enjoyed to the fullest extent.

It wasn’t all glamor and glitz though. There were some sobering and grounding moments as well.  Tom and I visited the 911 memorial museum and cried all over again at the heartbreak and unthinkable losses that occurred as a result of radical distortion and hatred.  It was a reminder of the fragility of life and the importance of holding our loved ones close while we can. And, of the need to continue to seek peace in every way possible within our realms of influence.

In the three days we were there we walked over twenty miles and rode as many, or more miles, in subways. I was reminded of the importance of a well fitting shoe, and the consequences of wearing those that don’t. Reminded that vanity is so very vain.

People on the subway are interesting, don’t you think?  All shapes and sizes.  All colors and ages.  All walks of life.  So many different languages, the least of which I heard was English.  All different people, different races, different ethnicities, different religions, different backgrounds, different styles and mannerisms, different world views, different values perhaps.

Different plans and places to go.  Some going to or from work. Looking tired both ways. I saw one lady coming home from the store with shopping bags and I marveled at the ordinary miracle of being able to buy the necessities of life without getting in the car “to run errands”. I would definitely have to be more organized than I am now to survive in the city for any length of time.

There were children with their parents, some sleeping, some fussy, others smiling. It didn’t seem to be a new experience for any of them as it was for us.  The sounds and smells and sights I found strange and slightly unsettling they didn’t even seem to notice.

One young man spent his ride continually rolling three dice.  Was he practicing for something, or just calming his nerves? I tried to be nonchalant but couldn’t help but watch him.  No one seemed the least bit interested in what I found very curious.

There we were.  All separate little bags of flesh and bones and thoughts and actions and plans and dreams.  All together heading somewhere, to do something.  We’d reach our destination and go our separate ways but for a few moments we were all bound together by steal and tracks, heading in the same direction. A moment of unity without the slightest pressure of uniformity.

The subway was a far cry in atmosphere from the Plaza Hotel, and the somberness of the 9/11 museum was unique from both, and yet there was a common thread that ran through it all.  A bunch of strangers in one place for a period of time, different, yet held in a momentary commonality.  In addition, we were each and all dependent on someone or something beyond our control or purpose to ensure that each individual experience was successful.

As I reflect on this now I am struck with how unaware I can daily be of the connectedness of humanity.  I so often ignore just how deeply we are all a part of a larger Whole.  And how dependent we are on the Whole to fully experience the “each”.  All of us, at once, going our separate ways, living our own individual lives. And yet, all of us depending on the same air to breathe. The same function of gravity to remain stable on this great big ball of a planet.  The same force of energy to remain our unique individual selves.

As a person of faith I believe that this Whole is God, and God is Love. Not just that God loves, but God is Love.  I believe that Jesus is the embodiment of the unifying force of this Whole. The power of this Whole comes through dying to the self, forgiveness, and a willingness to love unconditionally.  Dying, forgiving, loving even those who don’t believe and don’t love back.  That’s what makes it such a gift! And, what makes it so binding and eternal.

Sometimes the Christian message gets reduced to a set of beliefs that must be verbalized in a certain way in order to be acceptable. Sometimes the Christian message gets twisted and contorted into some sort of terrible child sacrifice bargain that results in a get out of hell free card for those who say the correct formulaic prayer. Sometimes the Christian message gets reduced to a set of restrictions that are used to include some and exclude others.  I’m actually hesitant to even use the word Jesus because of the ways in which it, and he, have been weaponized and politicized. Somehow we have found ways to polarize a message that was meant to re-member us to the Whole and to one another as part of that Whole!

The longer I live and the more I open myself to learning in places like subways, hotels, and museums, the more I see the love of this Whole in all places and people, and the more I believe this Wholeness is always present. Always pursuing us, encouraging us to wake up to Its power to heal, to unite, to restore.

For me, this is what Easter is about.  A Love that saw the image of God in all, sinners, tax collectors, prostitutes, and good ole church people. A love that saw the value in the moments; moments of drinking wine and eating food, moments of conversation that lead to healing, moments of prayer and reflection, moments of insight and teaching. Moments of simply holding the same space together, in unity not uniformity. Community, not conformity. A Love that refused to be violent even in the face of violence. A Love that would allow its own death rather than die.

A Love that rose and continues to rise always, not only in the churches, but, in the midst of all the subways and trains, places and people.  Maybe someday we’ll recognize the image of this Whole in one another. I hope. Then it really will be on earth as it is in heaven.

Something to chew on…

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becoming sight

From where I stand I can only see one side of the Christmas tree. To see it all I have to move around the tree, changing my perspective in order to take it all in. Only then can I see the beauty of the whole tree.
Spiritual growth also requires me to move beyond myself. From where I am, in my own finite mind, I cannot see the Whole, only a part. The only way to see further is to engage my heart and my imagination. And, the only way to begin to do this is by acknowledging that from, where I am, as I am, I cannot see it all. To let go of the notion that what I know is all there is to know.
Exercising this practice of humility breaks down the barriers of my mind and opens my heart and imagination to the possibility of seeing something different. Something new. Something more than I saw before. And seeing more clears the path to learning something new. Something I didn’t know before.
If I practice gratitude for this opportunity to learn, I may just grow. The more I grow, the more I see. And, thus, it begins again.
The point of this journey is not destination, or arrival. This is the journey of Becoming. This is Advent living, a journey of longing and openness to the possibilities of transformation through Christ’s love.
Jesus came that we might be re-membered to the Truth that always was and always will be. We are created in the image of God, who is Love, and our calling is a calling of Becoming.
As we approach Christmas and begin this new year, may we, together, be open to the new visions and possibilities that God is placing before us.

Something to chew on…IMG_0898

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antidote to failure

My seminary education began through an extension program Austin Presbyterian Theological Seminary offered in Houston. I was serving as a pastoral care associate at the time and I would work during the day and take classes two nights a week. It was a way of following the path I felt called to follow, getting my feet wet, without completely uprooting my and my family’s life. Or so I thought.

The reality was it had been thirty years since I had been in school. A fact I didn’t fully appreciate until the first exam. It felt like running full speed, head on, into a brick wall. To say I failed the exam is putting it mildly. I bombed the exam! I didn’t understand the questions, much less have any idea what the answers might be. Even though the professor was kind and thorough in all explanations, it seemed to me he was speaking a foreign language about a book I only thought I had understood and now was certain I would never comprehend at all. It was above my mental capabilities, leaving me frustrated and discouraged.

After the first exam I thought seriously about quitting. I figured I must have misunderstood my sense of call and that I should just slither back to my office and be thankful I had a job in ministry at all. Thankfully, the professor would not let me indulge too long in my self given pity party. He was not only a great professor but he was a pastor to the core. He simply told me to keep going. That I would get the hang of it. He may have even said to get back on the horse.

The second exam came around and I was certain that I had failed it as miserably as the first. Without a doubt in my mind about it, I came to class ready to accept the humiliating truth that I was a failure at this seminary thing. When the professor began class that night he announced that he had mailed our graded exams to us and that we should have all received them by now. I and a few others raised our hands that we did not receive any graded exam in the mail. He spoke to each one of us separately, looking in his grade book and told us our grade. He informed me that I had made a B on the exam. When I questioned him incredulously he remained unruffled and told me his grade book was clear and that one could never depend on or explain the postal system.

I’ll never know what happened to that mysterious exam that I never received in the mail. All I do know is that something opened up in me upon hearing of my passing grade. Some little window of hope that allowed me to consider the possibility that I might be able to continue, at least for another day. And, continue I did.

Eventually this educational process would turn my world completely upside down and I matriculated to Austin for two and a half years, commuting back and forth on the weekends. Eventually I would receive a Masters of Divinity. Eventually I was ordained a Minister of Word and Sacrament in the PC(USA). Eventually I would end up fourteen years later where I am now, as the pastor of a First Presbyterian Church in Kingsville, Texas. All because someone saw something in me I couldn’t see in myself, until I could. All because someone wouldn’t allow my attitude of failure to get the last word.

Friends, this is the good news of the Gospel. In the midst of our brokenness there is this prevailing voice of Love that speaks hope into our failures and life into our death.There is Someone who sees something in you that you cannot always see yourself.

There are so many challenges in life. So many ways in which the system of our society and the distortions of our own minds can tear us down and keep us from fulfilling our true purposes in life. So many ways we can convince ourselves we will never be able to do “it” (whatever the “it” is). It could be something bold like changing your career or making a move. Or something terrifying like facing cancer treatment. Or something simple, yet difficult, like sticking to your budget. Or something that stretches your heart, like forgiving someone for hurting you.

And yet, there is available to us in ways far beyond what we could ever imagine or hope for, a divine Grace that prevails through all of our trials. One who comes along side us, sometimes in the form of a professor, or friend, or prayer to remind us we already have everything we need to be able to do what we are called to do. The question is, are we awake to the possibilities God is bringing us through our connectedness to that Grace and to one another?

Over and over again in the the Christian scriptures Jesus was constantly reaching across boundaries to tell and show people, people who had been told by the systems of the world that they were unacceptable, that they were not only acceptable but beloved. That their failures were not the end of their story. That they had a purpose. A place. Something to do. They they belonged. This is good news indeed for all of us!

You may be in need of encouragement this week. Or someone may be in need of your encouragement. My prayer for you, in either case, is that you are open to the movement of the Spirit of Hope made possible for us through the amazing love of God.

Something to chew on…typorama

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shhhh….

A few years ago I made a commitment to myself to become more informed about what was going on the world around me. I realized that I had insulated myself in a little bubble and felt convicted that it was time to pull my head out of the sand and take a look around. About the same time I also started watching my Twitter feed more. I thought it would be an interesting way to keep up with what people were saying about topics in the news.

Three years later I’m exhausted. It seems like there is breaking news every fifteen minutes and what would have been the central focus in the news for a week or two, sometimes even longer, now lasts about a nano second. I have allowed myself to be consumed by the immediate public crisis.

It’s not that I don’t think the things going on in the world are important. There are some course altering things going on in our country right this very minute. Things that I find outrageous. Things that break my heart. Things that worry me. So, being informed and alert seems vital if I want to be able to navigate through it all.

I fear we are turning into the reality shows we’ve been watching. I never have liked Survivor and I find myself wandering where the hell is the rescue boat. At the same time, I’m certain that staying stirred up about it is robbing me of needed energy. Adrenaline mode is unsustainable for the long haul. So, today I’m considering ways to maintain some semblance of peace.

Sometimes I wonder how Jesus, in the fullness of his humanity, would have handled Twitter. What would his comments have been about the latest oppressive action from the Roman Empire? Would he have complained about the hypocrisy of the religious institution? Would he have ranted at his disciples continued misunderstanding of the mission at hand? Would he have boasted about his latest healing? I think not.

Wouldn’t it be interesting to hear the stream of consciousness of his thoughts?

Somehow I think that Jesus would have taken the news and his Twitter feed with a grain of salt. Not that he wouldn’t have felt outrage at the injustice he saw but, I don’t think he would have allowed himself to be taken captive in the way I have with the latest sensationalized headline or tweet.

I think one of the reasons for this is that Jesus knew how to maintain the long view. The bigger picture. The God picture. The picture of God’s activity and plan in the world. The plan to bring about the Kingdom of Heaven, which Jesus declared was at hand. When the chaos became loud he knew how to step out of it into the sacred space of solitude and silence.

Time and time again in scripture we see that Jesus, after having healed or taught or been involved in a significant encounter, would get away from the crowd. From the chaos. From the chatter of the day. He would go to a quiet place and pray. He would take time to listen for the renewal of God’s call. He was consistent in this practice and from what I can tell he didn’t let the urgent distract him from the important.

I so need to remember this lesson today. And I wonder if, perhaps, you could use a word of encouragement in this too. While things in the world today are polarized and tense and full of hateful rhetoric and division, it is important to remember that God, who is Love, is still sovereign and still has the last Word (and the first as well). Embodied in the flesh in Jesus, that Word lives on today.

Truth. Mercy. Forgiveness. Justice that redeems, heals, and restores. Generosity. Hospitality are all syllables of God’s Word calling the world today as it always has. Sometimes it’s just hard to hear it in the midst of all of the yelling.

If you too have been a bit worn out by the constant public chaos that swirls around us, take heart and be encouraged. The small voice that is heard in the sacred space of quiet is within you and me today and every day. It’s there inviting us and waiting to soothe, calm, strengthen, and encourage us. I pray you will take some time to step outside of the noise so you can hear the sweet whisper of Love.
Something to chew on…

 

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